What’s good, everybody? It’s ya’ boy, Johnny! (God, why does everybody start off their posts like that? “Fool, you ain’t my boy! I don’t know you from the two rats that were fighting over a hot dog in the dumpster!”🙄🙄) OK, so this is not your boy, Johnny! This is that fool that two or three of you might read about every month or so. There, much better!
So anyway, uh…I really didn’t get into why my last post was titled “Crash Into Me.” And it wasn’t due to some affinity I have for the Dave Matthews Band. So, about two months ago – – June 24, to be exact – – I was just going about having another ho-hum “Johnny” day: You know, pick up a few Uber passengers on my way to the West Valley; stop at KFC; do my cardio workout at the Woodland Hills 24-Hour Fitness. Just minding my business 🥱🥱. And then THIS happened!
Y…eah; Fun-Fun! While I was inside the gym, sweating my 🍒🍒 off on the treadmill like a goddamn hamster, some little old lady tore into my Paula Girl, sending her to the Emergency Room! (🤬😡🗡️☠️🤬😡🗡️☠️!) I mean, I’m not one to shame people of a certain age, especially since in a lot of people’s eyes, I AM one, but goddammit, why did it have to be me, and why on this day? Because my car had to go 2 the shop for a week, I couldn’t drive or earn any money. That meant more 🔴🔴 for the month, and now it will take a miracle for me to finish in the ⬛⬛for the year. Just a complete screw-job!
Could’ve been worse, tho. A Good Samaritan actually witnessed the collision and got the other lady’s plates and car info. The total bill came to $3,800, but my deductible was $2,500, so that 💩💩 hit me hard.
Oh, but that’s not the end of the auto-drama. So even though I’ve got a deductible that’s out-of-control, the one thang my deductible didn’t cover was the cost for a rental and the lost wages for a week. But you know me, the brilliant mind that I am, I figured I could kill two birds with one stone. And that’s when I was blessed with THIS little beauty!
Remember a couple of years ago at the “Sepulveda Damn” when I told you that I used to rent cars through Hertz and their special Uber Rental program? Well, not only is the program still around, but one of the saleswomen who was working there seven years ago was still there!
And of course, she was only too happy to let me walk off the lot with one of Elon’s $75K prized possessions. For about $400/week you can drive one of these ‘rare’ treats up-and-down the streets of L.A. And if you’re lucky, you might actually make it 100 miles before you have to recharge it! 🤣🤣🤣 Apparently, the more years a Tesla’s battery goes without being replaced, the shorter the life of the battery, which the lady didn’t tell me. Nor did she tell me that my $400/week didn’t cover the insurance for the vehicle! So, if you want to make sure that your $75K death trap doesn’t turn into a $500K nightmare, you’re gonna have to fork over an extra $120/week! Can you believe that 💩💩!
Apparently, neither did my credit card company, because when I took the jalopy back to Hertz the next day, I had no problem getting my $190 deposit back. Well, no, check that: There was a problem, because Hertz actually fought the reversal, but AMEX seems to be on my side. But I mean, what a ratchet goddamn pain in the 🍑🍑! And truthfully, there was more drama after that, but right now I’m all out of gas talking about my drama. “Nobody Cares; Work Harder!” Right? So until next time, dear Reader; Love, Peace, and 👡👡👡!
Johnny