5 whole days with no alcohol?! I know, right? You must be wondering how the hell I’m surviving. But yeah, there it is; I went almost a whole WEEK without drinking. Um…hi, it’s me again. And boy, have I got a story to tell you!
But before we get into that, can we just take a second to appreciate that beautiful black sarong above. It was made by a girl I was dating over twenty years ago, but it hasn’t seen the light of day in at least a decade! Ten YEARS, Johnny? C’mon, ol’ boy, you gotta do better than that! 😠😠
Seriously, I’ve never seen this before in my life. A Chips Ahoy MUFFIN!
Any-who, so there I was last Sunday night (08/05) dragging my sorry-ass around Ventura County, hoping to pick up a passenger or a pizza. When none of that was happening, I decided to take my Black 🍑🍑 back home and end the night with a cocktail. Not a big deal, since I had already scheduled an early-morning LAX pickup from Newbury Park the next morning (more on that later). So I go home and I down a Dixie Cup full of E&J Brandy and chase it with some tap water. No problem. I go to 😴😴 for a couple of hours and then wake up and drive back to V.C., still no problem. Halfway to Newbury Park, I ingest one of those Listerine mouthwash strips, which I hear can be very hard on the stomach. But still no problem. Then I get the bad news from the Uber app that my passenger had cancelled the ride. And NOW we have a problem! 😱😱😱 And I don’t know if it was the emotional trauma of having wasted 50 miles worth of gas to pick that fool up or the various chemicals I had ingested earlier, but my digestive system decided to raise holy HELL right there in the middle of the 101 Freeway! We’re talking an all-out expulsion from BOTH sides of my digestive system; 🤮🤮🤮 and 💩💩💩! And it was so sudden and violent that some of it landed inside the Chevron bathroom toilet…and some of it did NOT! I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say that whoever the janitor was that morning did NOT wanna see my face ever again!
By the Grace of God, I made it all the way back to my house in Sunland, where I continued this festival of lights for the next several hours, much to my cat’s dismay. Luckily, with a little bit of rest and fluids, I was able to make a full recovery. And it was actually those fluids that brought me here today, because guess who’s addicted to GATORADE now instead of alcohol! That’s right, no more weekday drinking for The Kid. Just a few social drinks on the weekends and that’s it. I am D–U–N, done! (But not so done that I can’t get together with a few friends at the Warehouse Restaurant in Marina Del Rey👇 )
There IS one positive note about the whole experience, tho: It seems as if I might’ve finally discovered some form of sustainable income in the Gig Economy. You see, GrubHub is unlike any of the other Gig services in that as long as you continue to accept deliveries and actually show up to the restaurant when you’re supposed to, you’ll have a higher service rating. A higher rating means you actually get to schedule a shift, and only those who are on the schedule get job offers. See how that works? So for the time being, GH is my Employment Daddy!
But that’s not the only Employment Parent I’ve got. Guess who decided to rear their ugly-ass head and PAY a brotha’ again? UBER! That’s right. The company that’s been the bane of my existence for the last half-decade has finally woken up and decided to pay us something. But once again, it goes back to scheduling. As long as you schedule an LAX pickup deep into Ventura County (an area that I affectionately refer to as the “Bottom of the Hill”), you can make 💰💰💰 on both the distance traveled and tips from passengers. And for that, I owe a big, hearty THANK YOU to the people of Ventura County. So for the time being, GH is my Daddy and Uber is my Mommy. Or is it vice-versa, not sure?
Anyway, that’s what’s going on with me. Can’t wait for 🏈🏈 season to start. Until next time (who knows when that’s gonna be!)…Love, Peace, and👡👡👡. Johnny