NOPE! OK, maybe?

Not exactly the most positive way to start off a blog, huh? And no, I’m not paying homage to the show Malcolm in the Middle with that title. OK, so here’s the situation. Since we last spoke, there have been a few ups and downs in my life. Considering that it’s taken close to two months to get back to you, you can assume it’s been mostly down. November was…an OK month. No, check that. November was an EXCELLENT month! As you can see on my Instagram page, the 19th was one of the best days of my life. That was the day I finally took the plunge and sent my application in to the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) for trademark protection. Now, I’m not going to tell you exactly what I sent in for protection, because…duh, I’m trying to keep the idea protected! But don’t worry. Once the application is approved, I’ll tell you guys all about it.

Then, a mere two days later, we got a new CAT! And when I say we, I really mean they, because it was one of my roommates who found her. But don’t worry. She’s already taken to me and I’m so blessed and happy she’s in my life. So that’s that with that.

But one thang that I am not happy is in my life — and stop me if you’ve heard this before — is the GIG ECONOMY! Yup. That nasty, heartless, 8-headed monster that keeps rising from the sea and laying waste to everythang in my life like Godzilla. He’s back, and shittier than ever! But before we get to that waste, here’s a perfect microcosm of the month of December:

This is our sink full of sewage water after our dishwasher malfunctioned again. This is like the tenth time this has happened. Almost caused a fatal argument between me and my roommates! OK, back to the Gig Economy. So as you know, not only do I drive for both Uber and Lyft, but I also schlep meals in Ventura County for GrubHub. Hey, wealthy Caucasians gotta eat too, right? Apparently not anymore, because on the morning of December 14th, my dear GrubHub app just up and…DIED! That’s right: No warning, no reason, no recourse. It just woke up that morning and decided, “You know what, Johnny? We’re just not doing this anymore!” Mechanically, what’s going on is that every time an order comes though the app, the order expires (disappears) before I even get a chance to accept it. I mean, within about .25 seconds the offer just vanishes into thin air and the company reports me as having Missed the offer. And there’s absolutely nothing that the GrubHub I.T. guys can…or will do about it. “It’s just a problem with Android phones,” they say.

Now, when a child gets up and decides he or she has had enough, you can either go get a new game…or go get your belt. It all depends on your relationship with the child. When a car decides it’s had enough, you can either take it to the shop or the impound. Done deal either way. But when an APP decides not to work anymore…neither will YOU! That means no more revenue; no more bills paid; no more LIFE! That’s quite a predicament for the Johnny, as I’m sure it is for everyone else.

So after about a week-and-a-half of moping around (And I do mean moping. We’re talking borderline ) , it was time to go see the ‘fam up in Portland. Can you imagine trying to spread holiday cheer after something like that? “Merry Christmas, Uncle Malcolm. Enjoy your bankruptcy!”

But believe it or not, it was actually my trip to the airport that got me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Just as I was thinking that life had done me wrong and Corporate America robbed me yet again, I looked up and saw that I was the only BLACK person at LAX who wasn’t working at LAX. (OK, I may be exaggerating a bit. There were more like…maybe FIVE Black people in the entire terminal) As messed up as it may sound, this actually gave me a shot of self-confidence. At least I’ve got enough money to travel. How many of our people can say that?

A’ight, that’s enough self-pity for one post, don’t you think? My holiday with my family was AWESOME! And GrubHub, I’m gonna miss you, but I gotta move on, Sweet Girl. Until next time, y’all…Love, Peace and !

Johnny