…That Random Black Dude in the Background on Erin Brockovich!” Stand up and give yourself a 👏👏👏 Johnny! Or better yet, give yourself a “Walk-Around Pass.” (Sorry, inside joke there!)
Um…so yeah, that was my Oscar Sunday. Scintillating, isn’t it? But don’t let the photos fool you, my boy. Even though that guy LOOKS like he’s having the time of his life, he’s actually going through Hell…again! It’s the same ol’ story with the Johnny: Work sucks, Uber blows, the GrubHub app is failing again, and if you want any sort of indicator as to how thangs are going in Hollywood, just take a look at that fence behind him. Perfectly symbolic!
But you know what I learned, tho? Hardships = Hard CHOICES! Never forget that, Johnny! I came up with this saying the morning of February 12, when I finally realized that GrubHub was just flat-out NOT going to work with my beloved Pixel phone, and I needed to get an iPhone.
This also goes hand-in-hand with my decision the day before to finally ditch YouTube TV. You see, the previous week we got a notice from building management that our rent was going up by about 8.9% (which was tantamount to a $75/month increase). Therefore, I came to the conclusion that I can’t afford that rent hike along with all the other 💩💩 I have, so some thangs had to go. And I concluded that my most expendable…asset, if you can call it that…was TELEVISION.
You see, TV is not oxygen for me. Never has been and never will be. I remember when I was living in Chicago back in 1996 and turning in my cable box. And one of my friends said, “Oh yeah, cable! Big luxury there!” And while I was turning the box in, some down-on-her-luck lady was in the cable store agreeing with me. “Yeah, they want you to pay for services you don’t need!” she growled.
I always imagined explaining my financial outlook on life to a young person like this, “Now remember young man, ‘If you don’t EAT it, you don’t NEED it!'” And that’s basically where we are with television right now. You see, human beings basically only need three thangs in order to survive: Food, Water, and Protection from the Elements. Everything else is a CHOICE! Your bills, your house, your credit cards, your car, your vacay, and whatever it is that you use the Internet for. All of that 💩💩 is a choice. Actually, it’s a luxury, and you don’t need any of it. And oh yeah, that little box with all the people running their yaps on it? Last time that I checked, you can’t eat that box. (Well, you could, but it would hurt. Trust me!)
“Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness?” Yeah, don’t think so! From now on, here is what I call the Bum’s Bill of Rights:
- Food
- Water
- Protection From the Elements
That’s all we need. Everythang else is a luxury. OK, my lovelies, that’s all I’ve got for you today. Until next time (and it won’t be another awards show, because the AMAs aren’t for, like another 4 months or something), Love, Peace…and 👡👡👡!
Johnny